I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
