where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
