hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
