Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
