You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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