If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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