If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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