if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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