Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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