My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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