I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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