she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
