yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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