3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
