in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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