worst night to have a conscience
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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