my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
