i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
