i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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