I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
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Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
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All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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