the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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