New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
