Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
