what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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