I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
