Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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