his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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