Non-Jews are for practice
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Randomize
