Pants 0. Shit 1.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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