im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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