i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize