Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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