The maid of honor just puked.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This baby is an asshole
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
