You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.