wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
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Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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