If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.