i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
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I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
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That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.