i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag