When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
