you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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