i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
