What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
