if you like me you must not know who I am
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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