I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
