Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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