Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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