Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.