Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
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I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
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You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.