girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
bring money and cleavage
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.