There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something