I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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