I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
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That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
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then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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