Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
