I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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