Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
