Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
