I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
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Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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