suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
