You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I need moral support for this bender
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
