New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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