Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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