Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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