your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
