she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
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I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
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Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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