Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
